Or I hope there is hope.
This could be a mid life crisis… reinventing myself as an amazing blogger… somehow I suspect that the truth is somewhat simpler than that and I am in fact just a mediocre 45 year old with delusions of grandeur.
I’m brought to this state by years of living badly… and I only wish that bad living was wine, women and drugs. Well I do drink the odd bottle of port. Most of the drugs I have taken in the last 10 years were anti-depressants of one kind or another and my favourite psychologists were all female.
At 45 I have lived with clinical depression for longer than not, I really should be used to living with it… or as I often feel “not dying with it”. I have frequently been suicidal, clearly not having taken that step. Or having failed I remain.
It would be nice if this were my first attempt at blogging. But in truth this must be my tenth (or more) attempt. I have been blogging (or trying) since almost before blogging was a thing. It’s never stuck, I run out of things to say, subjects to blog about. And then I self edit the mess I make when talking about poorly researched popular subjects. I’ll write a long screed on the errors in some aspect of the modern psyche, and once I have read it back, delete it all in disgust.
So why is this attempt – and it is an attempt, this being my first post after-all – any different to those? In truth it’s not, obviously this time it will be different. I’ve said that before too. I plan on publishing some more of my fiction. I keep coming up with ideas for stories/novels/books and write a bit before once again self editing it into nothingness.
So I’ll write on here, directly into a blog post and then publish with only spelling and grammar checks… if it’s a continuity error that needs editing or the speech looks wrong. I’ll only edit that out when I transcribe the story in a finished format into static pages (or my best selling novel).
I should also post some pictures too… mostly of my cats. But being black two of them aren’t the most photogenic of creatures.
Apart from my beautiful Thistle; handsome Bramble (he’s black and prickly) and incorrigibly wicked Molly. I plan on writing about my other loves making things – or more likely about what I want to make if I could ever afford either the equipment, space or materials to create whatever it is. And gaming.
This is not going to be a tidy blog that focuses on one small aspect of my life.